madness crying...

opps, i did it again.
i meant i cried today again, i cried for things that i should'nt be; for things that are suppose to be let go. im 16 and im crying in my bedroom like an idiot, the tears nearly wet my bed till it looks like i have urinated on my bed. i just cannt let go on certain things, i once said i didnt cry on 'that day' bec i didnt feel like, and i fegined tears on 'that day.' But now.... i cried so hard because of the things happened on that say, and that is really from the bottom of my heart. i seriously miss my old man, during my sobbing moments i suddenly recalled the times with my old man. i remembered that there was this once when my family(with my old man) when to chinatown during the newyear season. it was an enjoyable moment.... but now thinking back.... i didnt have much momeries with my family. it is pretty depressing....
the other reason i cried because i feel like im a maid in the house, i know that i should be helping my mother as she works so hard for me..... but at times im lazy to do housechores but instead of calling my brother to do, she called me - she knows he wouldnt do it. today my mother was like asked me to hang the clothes because she too tired to do so. i mean i have been hanging, folding and putting the f.clothes and im tired of it too. thus, i dragged and dragged... and it comes to she could not take it and started shouting.... and lastly i still did it with everyone unhappy. i hate regreting on things i had done, like after ingoring my mother, in the spilt second i will felt guilty. Today im also this '__' close to end my life, haha, i will take it as a joke now. Due thinking too much f.things in life that are happening on me, im tired of living. i know it's imbecile still having the idea of ending your life when you are consider half-mauture compared to an adult. But somehow the feelings just urge from your heart to your f.brain and the devil inside started his evil deed when im feeling lost. he started showing me 'the path' that i should choose.Luckily the angel inside me manages to defeat the f.devil, and i survived.
Anyanyanyway.... i made some poems. haha, my first time trying to compose poem, and i did three. PLEASE DO GIVE ME COMMENTS FOR IMPROVEMENTS. haha, i know i shouldnt be doing this, but it is actually a good way to divert your mind. haha but the poems is also mainly about, you know... haha.

FORGET IT, the uploading is slow... and it still cant work after umpteen attempts. i'll upload them tomorrow....

Today i did crazy things again instead of torturing my body by cutting myself, i drew on myself. Last time i used lotion, this time, i used pen. haha. show your the picture tomorrow because the bluetooth device is with my uncle and he is sleeping. HAHA, people should do my way right... instead of hurting themselves.

i learnt to protect myself instead of hurting myself.
falling is a process of standing right?
it is important to stand up when you fall...
BYE mortal, sound like im a celestial beings.